Ten of Swords

I’m not much of a Tarot person.  I have had my cards read twice in my life, both times by self-taught middle-aged gay men who were admittedly a little “woo-woo.”  While I don’t know much about the history, I do like the idea of using seemingly randomly selected cards to help interpret meaning from life.  Often things seem a little vague but I asked a question of a Tarot App recently and got the following card.

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I won’t go into the details of the question I asked but I will say that it had to do with a relationship that I had been debating whether to continue–a friendship that was up for pruning.  I had spent much of 2016 and 2017 “cleaning the attic” of my life, both literally and figuratively.  Some of that cleaning involved possessions, some of it involved habits.  Some of the most dramatic parts of it involved relationships.  As someone who has spent much of her life building relationships it has been very difficult for me to let some of them go.  I did discover, though, that there was liberation in the letting go and that pruning a branch of dead leaves allows new ones to grow.

I looked at many relationships and decided to do some pruning.  Some were more obvious than others.  There was one in particular that was particularly challenging to make a decision about because that person had been so helpful in putting me on the path toward recovery.  At the same time, though, that person contributed to my self doubt and my ongoing challenges with self esteem.

So I sat with the decision, or rather the indecision.  And sat with it.  Eventually I started to see patterns in this friendship that I had seen in some of the relationships that I had pruned.  And then I asked Tarot if this person replaces the hole in my life left by the people I had already cut out.

I turned up the Ten of Swords.  Oddly, another friend of mine turned up the same card when asking about whether and how to continue some of her tricky relationships.  Her reader said that she’s looking at relationships that are not only dead but withering off the vine.  “One sword would have done it,” she commented, “but you have ten.”

What strikes me most about this card is the description, “Do not martyr yourself to the needs of others.” If there was a theme for the last two years of my life, that comes pretty close.

So I grabbed the pruning shears and I made a careful cut.  I already feel new life within myself, a new creativity.  I don’t know where it will take me but I’m curious to see where it goes.

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